@ Friday, December 5, 20088:16 PM
HEY PEOPLE !today very boring arh . haiyor . i have been crying alot lately . alone somemore . i jus dunnoe why . things around me have been so difficult lately . or should i say the people around me . i never talk to my father for a whole long 2 weeks . people think it doesnt hurt but the fact is that it hurts . ALOT ! i kept thinking what is my fault ? that day i fought with my mother jus bcos i sent her GANO stuffs to this auntie and this auntie always gave me $2 . at first she asked my sis and bro go send bcos i was at my cousin house . then i ACCIDENTALLY met them halfway . so i pick up the things cos they were heavy and send them to the aunty house . then along the way i ACCIDENTALLY said to them that my mother ask to pass it to me . but i didnt have the intention to take the FREAKING $2 . then after send all that i wanted to find the bubble tea shop arh . at least i can buy with the money then share among the 3 of us . but the shop close . so i kept the money first . then went back home suddenly my mother come than keep saying "TERUK EHH KAU ZAKIRAH . " then i was like WTH ?! then she said i purposely want to send the gano stuffs so i can get the $2 . then i said i DONT GIVE A DAMN to the 2 bucks laa . i can get it anywhere . then my father suddenly shout say i MATA DUITAN . then ask my sis take the 2 bucks then give my bro 1 buck and she 1 buck . then i was like TAKE ARH ! wat i care ?! jus bcos of the stupid 2 bucks want to make a big fuss . then my mother want to change the subject say that its not the 2 bucks she is blabbering about its my attitude . HAH ! my attitude ?! my attitude of picking up the HEAVY stuffs and bringing it to the aunty house ?! my attitude of finding a FREAKING BUBBLE TEA SHOP TO BUY THE BUBBLE TEA AND SHARE IT WITH THEM ?! MY ATTITUDE ??!!! pls lah . i m not a kid . i was jus speechless . so i jus lay down and cried quietly . i didnt know what to do .yesterday , my sister said something than my father replied arh . then he said things like IKUT PERANGAI SETAN . BEBUAL PON MCM SETAN BEBUAL . then my sis said he was posting that to me . then she said I THINK BAPAK HATE YOU . then i said to myself , she can see that he hates me so it shows obviously . i cried the whole time when i was washing the plates ALONE . i dunnoe . i jus dunoe what to do . my head hurts alot thinking bout it . sometimes i think that we are better off being maids . my ustaz that day said to my mother that our Prophet once said that once the child reach a teenager's age , treat them as your close friends not as your kids . but for my mother , the older we get the much work she asks us to do . exactly like MAIDS ! sometimes i get jealous cos i dont see she pushing my sis to wash the dishes when it was her turn . but when it is my turn , she kept reminding me until it really get on my nerves ! then everytime when my sis does work at the kitchen at night , she always ask me to help her but when it was my turn i dont hear her saying it . then if i go out never do my duty , when i get home i will get an earful of blabbering . but my sis . its jus like KAU GI KEMAS . thats all . then sometime she sleep without cleaning the dishes first but then my mother didnt do or say anything . if me , the next morning i woke up . FUH !! its worst than hell . my sis cleaned my mum's cupboard yesterday and got money to buy some stuffs . but me ?? i cleaned the house every single day ! washed the dishes , the laundry , the vacuum-ing . EVERYTHING !! but do i get a thank you ? DO I ? NO ! what i get is jus so much hatred . and my mum still say that even if i did the housework , its still not clean . it hurts so much . so WHAT DOES CLEAN MEANS TO THEM ?! HOW CLEAN DO THEY WANT IT ?! that day my father dont want go out cos he said the house is like TAIK . then i thought HOW CLEAN DOES HE WANT IT ? its SO SO clean already ! haiyor . that day at breakfast my mum talked bout her friend who's child is in University . then she said she was embarrassed that she got nothing to talk about her children . her friend's children not only go to university but they do housework and cook . then i thought to myself THEN US ?! DIDNT WE DO IT TOO ? DONT WE COOK TOO ?! DONT WE CLEAN TOO ?! it hurts so much too think that our OWN mother is embarrassed of us . she cant say anything good about us even for the fact that we did alot for her . it jus hurts so much . we are not like a family . other family laugh during dinner but our family its all scolding and shouting during dinner . other family do the chores as a family . but our family its the kids job to keep the house clean and not get appreciated at it also . other family watch TV together but our family doesnt . other family goes out together . but our family doesnt . other family play card games together some even play catching in the house but our family its all about scolding and shouting . theres not even a day we go through without hearing our parents shout about things that are small and fight over things that are not even worth fighting for . other people father hear their daughters story to them about their problems . hug them to ease them . tell them that he loves them . and give them a kiss on their forehead . but its all jus a fairytale . TO ME . my father hates me .i have no one to turn to . i just need someone to say , I'LL BE HERE FOR YOU . then i will know that there is people who still care about me . then only my heart will feel light . but for now , i only got this blog to pour out my feelings . now my chest feel light . i can put on a small smile for now . hold back abit of tears . till here then . for now .((:
